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Thread: The Joke Thread

  1. #31
    AH.FM Addict robiejaegs's Avatar
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    Ah! Rodney Dangerfield

    Love his one liners wtg t4e
    Gotta make it somehow on the dreams you still believe
    Don't give it up!

  2. #32
    AH.FM Addict Vicky Wood's Avatar
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    I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking
    it really scared me

    so thats it!

    no more reading!
    Weekly Essentials - Mondays 7pm Eastern http://www.facebook.com/weeklyessentialspodcast

  3. #33
    AH.FM Addict robiejaegs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by magik View Post
    I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking
    it really scared me

    so thats it!

    no more reading!
    Can't say I don't blame ya about the reading part

    Gotta make it somehow on the dreams you still believe
    Don't give it up!

  4. #34
    Captain Diego Montoya Garcia, of the Spanish Armada flagship 'Quando' was on the deck one day when his first mate ran up to him and cried 'Captain! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!'
    Captain Diego turned a calm eye to his mate and said 'Bring me my red shirt.'
    The first mate ran and got the captains red shirt, which he put on.
    A fierce battle raged and the Quando was victorious.
    After the battle, the first mate asked the captain 'Sir, why do you don a red shirt before battle?'
    The captain yawned bravely and said 'If I am wounded in battle, the men will not see me bleeding, and they will be inspired.'
    The mate was in awe of his wise captain. Just then, another crewman ran up to the captain and cried 'Captain! There are twenty enemy ships on the horizon!'
    The captain turned to his first mate and ordered 'Bring me my brown pants.'


  5. #35
    AH.FM Addict Darlene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magpie View Post
    Captain Diego Montoya Garcia, of the Spanish Armada flagship 'Quando' was on the deck one day when his first mate ran up to him and cried 'Captain! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!'
    Captain Diego turned a calm eye to his mate and said 'Bring me my red shirt.'
    The first mate ran and got the captains red shirt, which he put on.
    A fierce battle raged and the Quando was victorious.
    After the battle, the first mate asked the captain 'Sir, why do you don a red shirt before battle?'
    The captain yawned bravely and said 'If I am wounded in battle, the men will not see me bleeding, and they will be inspired.'
    The mate was in awe of his wise captain. Just then, another crewman ran up to the captain and cried 'Captain! There are twenty enemy ships on the horizon!'
    The captain turned to his first mate and ordered 'Bring me my brown pants.'

    ......and God said, "Let there be Trance."

  6. #36
    AH.FM Addict Vicky Wood's Avatar
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    A man runs into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says "everyone has 1 minute to get out"....The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts "you bastard!!"

    A lady and her best friend go on hols to the Caribbean & meet a muscular black guy. After a week of fantastic 3some sex they ask his name. he says "my name is Snow". The ladies start to laugh and he asks "Why you laughing?" The ladies reply "Our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean!"
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  7. #37
    A Man is driving around the country-side on a sunny afternoon.
    As he drives, the man sees a chicken running down to road ahead of him, quite intrigued by how fast this chicken can run, he speeds up to take a look.
    Upon reaching the running chicken, the chicken looks, and takes off like a bat out of hell. The man tries to keep up in his car, but at a 120Miles per hour, the chicken out runs the car.
    The man can't beleive his eyes, and spots the chicken turn down a farmers driveway.
    He has to understand what he saw, so he pulls into the driveway and spots the Farmer.
    The man asks the farmer if he saw a Chicken run by at over 120 mile/hour.
    The farmer claims "Uh Huh"
    The Man's asks, "how is this possible?"
    The farmer explains, " We breed 3 legged chickens here for that extra Drumstick.
    The man says, "Thats amazing, how do they taste?"
    Farmer says, "Don't know, never caught one yet"


    Chris, ....Play the Music, And We'll know what to do.

  8. #38
    AH.FM Addict piccoli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria View Post

    A lady and her best friend go on hols to the Caribbean & meet a muscular black guy. After a week of fantastic 3some sex they ask his name. he says "my name is Snow". The ladies start to laugh and he asks "Why you laughing?" The ladies reply "Our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean!"


    genius

  9. #39
    have you guys heard the latest news from portugal? that they had to close the national library of lisbon?


    yeah, real shame... someone stole the book...


    http://dfx.at/sets/ :: http://myspace.com/dfx_dj

  10. #40
    AH.FM Addict piccoli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dfx View Post
    have you guys heard the latest news from portugal? that they had to close the national library of lisbon?


    yeah, real shame... someone stole the book...




    and was me who stole that

  11. #41
    AH.FM Addict robiejaegs's Avatar
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    I'm schizophrenic and so am I
    Gotta make it somehow on the dreams you still believe
    Don't give it up!

  12. #42
    AH.FM Addict Vicky Wood's Avatar
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    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

    Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

    The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

    "Well," he said, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

    The little girl screams, "Don't eat it, Don't eat it, it's an ass hole!"
    Weekly Essentials - Mondays 7pm Eastern http://www.facebook.com/weeklyessentialspodcast

  13. #43
    AH.FM Addict c00l.d00d's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria View Post
    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

    Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

    The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

    "Well," he said, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

    The little girl screams, "Don't eat it, Don't eat it, it's an ass hole!"


    hahahahahahahhahaha...loved it..
    "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link"

  14. #44
    Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
    A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

    Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
    A: There's a footprint in the mayo.

    Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
    A: There's two footprints in the mayo.

    Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
    A: The door won't shut.

    Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
    A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.
    http://dfx.at/sets/ :: http://myspace.com/dfx_dj

  15. #45
    AH.FM Addict t4e's Avatar
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    A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the

    tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

    She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WAL-MART!


    Why WAL-MART??



    HELLOOOOOOOOO!




    WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!




    Your signature contains too many lines and must be shortened.

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