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Thread: The Joke Thread

  1. #46
    AH.FM Addict c00l.d00d's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the

    tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

    She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WAL-MART!


    Why WAL-MART??



    HELLOOOOOOOOO!




    WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!





    Come on, t4e...you can admit it were you in that story...
    "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link"

  2. #47
    AH.FM Addict t4e's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by c00l.d00d View Post

    Come on, t4e...you can admit it were you in that story...


    hmmm... thanks for the "compliment", i guess you were deprived of coffee today
    Last edited by t4e; Jun 17th, 2008 at 21:28.
    Your signature contains too many lines and must be shortened.

  3. #48
    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    hmmm... thanks for the "compliment", i guess you were deprived of coffee today
    or maybe his ritalin?
    http://dfx.at/sets/ :: http://myspace.com/dfx_dj

  4. #49
    AH.FM Addict c00l.d00d's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    hmmm... thanks for the "compliment", i guess you were deprived of coffee today
    Quote Originally Posted by dfx View Post
    or maybe his ritalin?
    Or maybe both AND my food too...:whitle:
    "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link"

  5. #50
    William Safire's rules for writing as seen in the New York Times

    Do not put statements in the negative form.
    And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
    If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great
    deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
    Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
    Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
    If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
    Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
    Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
    Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
    Last, but not least, avoid cliche's like the plague.
    http://dfx.at/sets/ :: http://myspace.com/dfx_dj

  6. #51
    AH.FM Addict Junior's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by piccoli View Post
    Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed:

    A ... Almost Boobs
    B ... Barely there.
    C ... Can't Complain!
    D ... Damn!
    DD... Double damn!
    E ... Enormous!
    F ... Fake


    good one.lol

  7. #52
    AH.FM Addict Junior's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GreyDog View Post
    A Man is driving around the country-side on a sunny afternoon.
    As he drives, the man sees a chicken running down to road ahead of him, quite intrigued by how fast this chicken can run, he speeds up to take a look.
    Upon reaching the running chicken, the chicken looks, and takes off like a bat out of hell. The man tries to keep up in his car, but at a 120Miles per hour, the chicken out runs the car.
    The man can't beleive his eyes, and spots the chicken turn down a farmers driveway.
    He has to understand what he saw, so he pulls into the driveway and spots the Farmer.
    The man asks the farmer if he saw a Chicken run by at over 120 mile/hour.
    The farmer claims "Uh Huh"
    The Man's asks, "how is this possible?"
    The farmer explains, " We breed 3 legged chickens here for that extra Drumstick.
    The man says, "Thats amazing, how do they taste?"
    Farmer says, "Don't know, never caught one yet"


    good one

  8. #53
    AH.FM Addict Junior's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by robejaegs View Post
    How do you know when you are at a gay picinic?

    The hotdogs taste like crap.
    .

    There are 4 gay guys in a jacuzi, suddenly a condom pops up in the middle, and one of them says, "who farted"

    why did the gum crossed the road?- becaue it was stuck to the chickens ft.

  9. #54
    AH.FM Addict Vicky Wood's Avatar
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    In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, 'You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

    He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
    Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.

    He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought.
    Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

    Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
    Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

    When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his Bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.

    The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving.
    When the powder puff completed, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

    Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

    'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
    The nurse replied, 'The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
    Your penis is under your pillow.'
    Weekly Essentials - Mondays 7pm Eastern http://www.facebook.com/weeklyessentialspodcast

  10. #55
    AH.FM Addict t4e's Avatar
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    muhahahaha
    Your signature contains too many lines and must be shortened.

  11. #56
    AH.FM Addict robiejaegs's Avatar
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    And who said men are simple?

    Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) Címon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
    Gotta make it somehow on the dreams you still believe
    Don't give it up!

  12. #57
    AH.FM Addict Tarek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria View Post
    In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, 'You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

    He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
    Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.

    He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought.
    Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

    Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
    Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

    When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his Bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.

    The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving.
    When the powder puff completed, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

    Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

    'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
    The nurse replied, 'The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
    Your penis is under your pillow.'
    I felt the pain of that..

  13. #58
    AH.FM Addict Junior's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria View Post
    In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, 'You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

    He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
    Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.

    He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought.
    Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

    Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
    Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

    When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his Bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.

    The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving.
    When the powder puff completed, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

    Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

    'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
    The nurse replied, 'The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.
    Your penis is under your pillow.'
    it even hurted me also. is the tooth faire going to bring him money for the penis?

  14. #59
    Margoss
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    Seems that a pollster was taking a worldwide opinion poll.
    Her question was, "Excuse me; what's your opinion on the meat shortage?"

    In Texas, the answer was "What's a shortage?"
    In Poland, the answer was "What's meat?"
    In the Soviet Union, the answer was "What's an opinion?"
    In New York City, the answer was "What's excuse me?"

  15. #60
    AH.FM Addict Tarek's Avatar
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    Oohhhh thats where I should've put my jokes in,..

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