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Thread: The Real Ontario Canada Driver's Handbook

  1. #1
    AH.FM Addict t4e's Avatar
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    The Real Ontario Canada Driver's Handbook

    For anyone who has commuted or even just driven on the 401 through Toronto, the 2007 version of the Ontario Driver's Handbook has been rewritten to include the following guidance:

    1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario driver avoids using them.


    2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you; the space will just be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


    3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.


    4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No-one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.


    5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with P.Q. or Maritime plates. With no fault insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.


    6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.


    7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.


    8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; they are given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially in the G.T.A..



    9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.


    10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.


    11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ontario is the home of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.


    12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.


    13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or roll-over, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.


    14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

    THANK YOU
    The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles
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  2. #2
    AH.FM Addict erosphere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    For anyone who has commuted or even just driven on the 401 through Toronto, the 2007 version of the Ontario Driver's Handbook has been rewritten to include the following guidance:

    1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario driver avoids using them.


    2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you; the space will just be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


    3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.


    4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No-one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.


    5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with P.Q. or Maritime plates. With no fault insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.


    6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.


    7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.


    8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; they are given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially in the G.T.A..



    9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.


    10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.


    11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ontario is the home of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.


    12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.


    13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or roll-over, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.


    14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

    THANK YOU
    The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles
    Haha this is so beautifully put together... i love it and totally agree...

    BTW 15 is Ottawa's specialty... drivers even seem to honk just for the sake of it

    Ontario rules baby
    Dustwave's sidekick forever/L'homme est un ange qui n'a pas encore trouvé son essence

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    AH.FM Addict piccoli's Avatar
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    in fact the # 12 happens here in Portugal for real, that pisses me off so badly principally the taxi drivers

    i use to say they have the horn at the accelerator
    Last edited by piccoli; Jan 31st, 2008 at 22:00.

  4. #4
    AH.FM Addict t4e's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erosphere View Post
    Haha this is so beautifully put together... i love it and totally agree...

    BTW 15 is Ottawa's specialty... drivers even seem to honk just for the sake of it

    Ontario rules baby
    you mean #12 :tongue:

    even though they can't hear me i still yell in my car "oooh just blow your nose, you'll get more out of it"
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  5. #5
    AH.FM Addict piccoli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    you mean #12 :tongue:

    even though they can't hear me i still yell in my car "oooh just blow your nose, you'll get more out of it"



    LMAO

  6. #6
    AH.FM Addict erosphere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    you mean #12 :tongue:
    12 too
    even though they can't hear me i still yell in my car "oooh just blow your nose, you'll get more out of it"
    Haha sounds like my mom.... she'll curse at the honking car when her window is close, and she doesn't even yell.

    I don't get the deal since i don't drive much myself. The bus is much more fun... well sometimes

    BTW montreal still beats ontario when it comes to reckless driving... it something i have to admit :tongue:
    Last edited by erosphere; Jan 31st, 2008 at 22:04.
    Dustwave's sidekick forever/L'homme est un ange qui n'a pas encore trouvé son essence

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    AH.FM Addict piccoli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erosphere View Post
    Haha sounds like my mom.... she'll curse at the honking car when her window is close, and she doesn't even yell.

    I don't get the deal since i don't drive much myself. The bus is much more fun... well sometimes

    BTW montreal still beats ontario when it comes to reckless driving... it something i have to admit :tongue:



    you talking like that let me saying where did i see this?


    here it's the same thing or worst

  8. #8
    AH.FM Addict Chompie's Avatar
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    If you weren't talking about Ontario, I'd think you were talking about Tampa's drivers. That's an almost perfect description. The roads here are well taken care of, but the drivers are another story.
    (Carcharodon carcharias)

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    AH.FM Addict c00l.d00d's Avatar
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    You say that because you haven´t seen the traffic here in São Paulo....:tongue:

    As the great Fernando Alonso said, "who can drive in São Paulo can drive everywhere,even in F1"....

    Here we have 6 million cars (yeah,you read right...6 million) trying to get as much fast as they can go....imagine the chaos...
    "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link"

  10. #10
    AH.FM Addict Chompie's Avatar
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    Here's another "rule":

    If you're a trucker, drive through narrow residential streets at top speed, and create a wake of air that blows dust into the eyes of pedestrians.

    (Carcharodon carcharias)

  11. #11
    Hahahha! I just moved to the GTA from Northern Ontario and I regularly drive on the 401. So true, so true!!! LOL!

  12. #12
    AH.FM Addict vinniee72's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    For anyone who has commuted or even just driven on the 401 through Toronto, the 2007 version of the Ontario Driver's Handbook has been rewritten to include the following guidance:

    1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario driver avoids using them.


    2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you; the space will just be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


    3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.


    4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No-one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.


    5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with P.Q. or Maritime plates. With no fault insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.


    6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.


    7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.


    8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; they are given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially in the G.T.A..



    9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.


    10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.


    11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ontario is the home of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.


    12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.


    13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or roll-over, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.


    14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

    THANK YOU
    The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles
    this is sooo funny!

    and applicable to many cities in the US...

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