Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: A Dog Named Sex

  1. #1
    AH.FM Addict t4e's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    18,387

    A Dog Named Sex




    Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex.
    Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
    When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
    He said, "I would like to have one too!"
    Then I said, "But she is a dog!"
    He said he didn't care what she looked like.
    I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old."
    He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
    When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
    I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex."
    He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
    The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.


    When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

    One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

    When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

    Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

    Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."

    Author Anonymous
    Your signature contains too many lines and must be shortened.

  2. #2
    AH.FM Addict xruntime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    856
    Haha but it got old after the first paragraph

  3. #3
    hahaha that's excellent!

    And xruntime, the point is in the punchline...

  4. #4
    AH.FM Addict piccoli's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Lisbon, Portugal, Portugal
    Posts
    79,562
    LOL this is great

  5. #5
    AH.FM Addict Junior's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    17,107
    good one. lol

  6. #6
    Just got here
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    3
    lol...

  7. #7
    AH Listener Arjan S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Rotterdam
    Posts
    67
    Very nice, just like the Italian bit.

    "One day ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tell the waitress I wanna two piss toast. She branga me only wona piss. I tell her I wanna two piss, she say go to the toilet, I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better not piss on the plate you sonna ma *****! I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna Ma *****.


    Later, I go to eat soma lunch at Emma's Restaurant, the waitress bringa me a spoon ana knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tallsa me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna Ma *****. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma *****.
    So I go back to my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tell him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toilet, So I say you no understand, I wanna sheet on the bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed, you sonna Ma *****. I don't even know the man ana he call me sonna Ma *****.
    I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you. I say piss onna you too, you sonna Ma *****. I go back to Italy!!"

  8. #8
    AH Listener jaax's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    40
    lmaoo lmaooo

  9. #9

    Smile

    Very funny

  10. #10
    AH FAN
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    305
    Quote Originally Posted by Arjan S View Post
    Very nice, just like the Italian bit.

    "One day ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tell the waitress I wanna two piss toast. She branga me only wona piss. I tell her I wanna two piss, she say go to the toilet, I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better not piss on the plate you sonna ma *****! I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna Ma *****.


    Later, I go to eat soma lunch at Emma's Restaurant, the waitress bringa me a spoon ana knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tallsa me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna Ma *****. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma *****.
    So I go back to my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tell him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toilet, So I say you no understand, I wanna sheet on the bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed, you sonna Ma *****. I don't even know the man ana he call me sonna Ma *****.
    I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you. I say piss onna you too, you sonna Ma *****. I go back to Italy!!"
    [YOUTUBE]3Y3sCE1hWrs[/YOUTUBE]

  11. #11
    Nice Staffer! Filip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Poland
    Posts
    2,957



    Owner,Production AH

  12. #12
    AH.FM Addict Become a supporter now bjerre's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    90,662
    Quote Originally Posted by Arjan S View Post
    Very nice, just like the Italian bit.

    "One day ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tell the waitress I wanna two piss toast. She branga me only wona piss. I tell her I wanna two piss, she say go to the toilet, I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better not piss on the plate you sonna ma *****! I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna Ma *****.


    Later, I go to eat soma lunch at Emma's Restaurant, the waitress bringa me a spoon ana knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tallsa me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna Ma *****. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma *****.
    So I go back to my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tell him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toilet, So I say you no understand, I wanna sheet on the bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed, you sonna Ma *****. I don't even know the man ana he call me sonna Ma *****.
    I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you. I say piss onna you too, you sonna Ma *****. I go back to Italy!!"

    Classic

  13. #13
    AH Listener Docta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    THE! Central Valley
    Posts
    69
    ok....! those eyes...! FREAK ME OUT!!! I almost felt like a pedator was checking me out and I had no place to hide.

  14. #14
    AH Listener Docta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    THE! Central Valley
    Posts
    69
    Quote Originally Posted by t4e View Post
    " The Judge said, "Me too!"


  15. #15
    AH Listener legarry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    28
    loool wtf
    Le Garry - soundcloud.com/garrylayschizzel/

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •